From 1999-2005, Raywat Deonandan and Edmund Wong engaged in epic squash battles, the tales of which will live on in song for generations to cherish. While myth and legend have grown from these timeless and soul-wrenching wars, it's important that the actual facts are preserved for historical posterity. Thus, the following page is archived, so that future historians will know the truth of these titanic clashes....
Yep, I luuuv to play squash. Just love to smack the ball around the court, visualizing my least favourite person's face on the business end of that ball. I tried tennis, but was pathetic at it. I hated having to run after the ball after I hit it over the fence. With squash, you can hit the ball as hard as you want, and never have to worry about losing it.
Below are the results of my regular games againt one Squire Edmund Wong, co-owner of The Podium. Keep in mind that our games are usually played on Saturday mornings --not my best time-- at Ed's condo, hence handing him home court advantage. (That's just a taste of my list of excuses... I got plenty more.)
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| DATE | SCORES | COMMENTS |
|---|---|---|
| June 30, 2005 | Ray: 4, Ed: 1 | It took 5 years, but the belt has finally returned to its proper home. |
| July 6, 2001 | Ed: 4, Ray: 1 | Oh, like I'm going to embarrass the boy in front of his brand spanking new baby daughter? I don't think so. |
| Dec 22, 2001 | Ed: 4, Ray: 1 | Well...um... I've got bigger muscles! |
| Sep 28, 2001 | Ed: 4, Ray: 3 | Okay, I tried to squeeze in one last victory before fleeing the country. Though I dominated throughout, the terror of winning overcame me, lest I be jinxed on the eve of my voyage. |
| Sep 22, 2001 | Ed: 4, Ray: 0 | Okay, here's the deal. I'm leaving the country. As a patriot, I could not allow the hallowed belt to leave Canadian soil. So I threw the game. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Thus ends the Wong-Deonandan series.... or does it? |
| July 4, 2001 | Ed: 4, Ray: 0 | Sigh. |
| June 7, 2001 | Ed: 4, Ray: 1 | Well I guess the new era is a lot like the old era. |
| May 31, 2001 | Belt vacated | Due to an inability (or unwillingness) to defend his title within the contracted 30 day period, Squire Edmund has been stripped of the title. A new tournament will commence forthwith to determine the new champion. Yippee! |
| Apr 20, 2001 | Ed: 4, Ray: 1 | It doesn't matter what the score is... so long as I beat him before his weding... |
| Apr 7, 2001 | Ed: 4, Ray: 0 | Yeah but, yeah but... I won the "superior athlete" and "bragging rights" games! That's gotta count for something! |
| Mar 22, 2001 | Ed: 4, Ray: 2 | Shaddap. I don't want to talk about it. |
| Mar 17, 2001 | Ed: 4, Ray: 2 | Shaddap. I don't want to talk about it. |
| Mar 3, 2001 | Ed: 4, Ray: 0 | Yes, he's still getting weaker...weaker... |
| Feb 24, 2001 | Ed: 4, Ray: 2 | He's getting weaker...weaker... |
| Jan 15, 2001 | Ed: 4, Ray: 3 | The boy was running scared, I tells ya. |
| Jan 13, 2001 | Ed: 4, Ray: 0 | Hey, what just happened? |
| Jan 8, 2001 | Ed: 4, Ray: 2 | I just had physiotherapy. I'm distracted. |
| Dec 20, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 3 | Yes, but I was down 3-0. So I am the superior athlete! |
| Dec 16, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 2 | Look, I just won the Guyana Prize. I don't need the squash belt too. That would be wrong. |
| Dec 11, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 1 | Okay, not so close. |
| Dec 2, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 3 | Closer... |
| Nov 29, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 2 | Closer... |
| Nov 25, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 0 | There is no need to discuss this. |
| Nov 23, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 1 | My shoulder almost fell off! |
| Oct 24, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 0 | My shoulder hurts! |
| Sep 23, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 3 | You know, I was winning 3-1. What happened? |
| Sep 2, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 2 | My ex-girlfriend gets married today. I'm distracted, damn it! |
| July 30, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 1 | I guess no Wat era. |
| July 26, 2000 | Ray: 4, Ed: 3 | Is this the start of the Wat era? |
| July 24, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 2 | Sigh. But wait... is that the scent of hope I detect? |
| July 15, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 2 | The boy jus got engaged. This was his present. |
| July 8, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 3 | Grrrr..... |
| July 5, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 2 | Middle of the week. Who plays in the middle of the week? |
| July 3, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 1 | Beginning of the week. Who plays in the beginning of the week? |
| June 17, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 1 | Have to let him hold the belt for another week, just to be nice. |
| June 10, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 2 | It was the boy's birthday. I had to let him win! Also, this was the first match for a real championship belt! (Photo forthcoming.) |
| June 3, 2000 | Ray: 4, Ed: 2 | Hallelujah! Hallelujah! |
| May 17, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 3 | This match was mine! Ended up playing the last game barefoot with a bald racquet. |
| May 13, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 0 | Wahhhhh! |
| May 11, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 3 | Closer... |
| May 9, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 1 | Yes, but I won the more important "superior athlete" game. Then Ed won the "bragging rights" games, so I can't brag about being the superior athlete. |
| May 3, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 1 | I was distracted by, um, breathing. Yeah, that's it. |
| Apr. 15, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 0 | Sigh. |
| Apr. 10, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 1 | I had a long day. So there. |
| Apr. 8, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 2 | I had a massage last night. I'm too limber. |
| Apr. 5, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 3 | You realize, of course, that I'm letting him win. |
| Mar. 27, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 2 | He's sold his soul! He must have! |
| Mar. 21, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 3 | You know, I was ahead 3-0, then that sneaky little b**tard caught up. It's a conspiracy, I tells ya! |
| Mar. 14, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 2 | Well, it's closer, isn't it? |
| Mar. 7, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 1 | I was nervous 'cause I got a haircut. Yeah. |
| Mar. 3, 2000 | Ed: 3, Ray: 1 | *Game cut short due to my illness. Otherwise I kick his ass! |
| Feb. 12, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 2 | Damn you, pendulum! Swing back! |
| Feb. 9, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 1 | ...And the pendulum swings back again. |
| Feb. 5, 2000 | Ray: 4, Ed: 1 | ...And the pendulum swings. |
| Feb. 3, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 3 | Closer... |
| Jan. 29, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 3 | I claim moral victory. That's almost as good. |
| Jan. 22, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 1 | I'm still the superior athlete! I am! |
| Jan. 19, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 1 | I'm just playing possum, building up his ego... softening him for his big fall. |
| Jan. 15, 2000 | Ed: 4, Ray: 2 | @#!%%$#!!! |
| Dec. 21, 1999 | Ed: 4, Ray: 1 | Shuttup. |
| Dec. 14, 1999 | Ed: 4, Ray: 0 | Um... there was a full moon. Yeah, that's it. |
| Dec. 11, 1999 | Ed: 4, Ray: 1 | Today's excuse(s): it was way too early in the morning , and I kept looking at my watch 'cause I had to get to a yoga class. So there. |
| Dec. 8, 1999 | Ed: 4, Ray: 2 | A rare evening match, the first official bout to establish a champion sees Ed take the championship belt. Grrrr. |